i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
