Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
