Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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