Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
