He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
