The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
