is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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