halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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