Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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