Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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