He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
