do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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