Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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