Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
