I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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