I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
