I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
pray to the hookup gods
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
