It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
