Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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