Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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