My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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