What did we do last night that was yellow?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
