I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died