i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
