Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
