The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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