I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
