I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
