She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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