Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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