he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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