so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
