Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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