It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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