If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
