i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
