Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
