PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
