I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
