Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
