I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
