No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
