boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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