forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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