I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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