the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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