On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
