if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sober January is a disaster.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
