Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Randomize
