maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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