I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
