Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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