Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize