Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
