How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
