mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
