I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
