hell yes lets make some ravioli
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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